If You Really Knew Me

How to Play

Setup

1. Choose a quiet, comfortable space (a circle of chairs in person or gallery view online). Keep phones away and minimize distractions.
2. Set the tone: Explain that the goal is to foster trust and deeper understanding, not to problem-solve. As facilitator, commit to modeling the desired level of openness.
3. Establish timing: Allocate 2–3 minutes per person. For larger groups, consider splitting into smaller circles of 6–10. Display a simple agenda and end time.
4. Define boundaries: Participation is voluntary. Anyone may pass or say “pass for now.” Emphasize confidentiality and respect.
5. Prepare tools: A timer, optional talking piece (object held by the speaker), tissues/water, and a visible prompt. For online, use a visual slide with the prompt and a visible timer.
6. Virtual considerations: Encourage cameras on (if comfortable), mute when not speaking, turn off chat during shares to avoid side comments, and use reactions for supportive acknowledgment.
7. Remind the prompt: "If you really knew me, you’d know that…" Encourage one authentic share per turn; depth matters more than length.

How to Play

1. Facilitator opens: Share first with a genuine, appropriate example that models vulnerability and healthy boundaries.
2. Explain the flow: One person speaks at a time while others listen silently and attentively. No cross-talk, advice, or questions during the share.
3. Go around the circle: Invite each participant to complete the prompt in 1–3 statements within their 2–3 minutes. Use the talking piece or a clear speaker order.
4. Acknowledge: After each share, the group may briefly respond with a simple "Thank you for sharing" or a quiet nod/reaction. Avoid commentary.
5. Optional second round: If time allows, offer a shorter second round to deepen or add something new.
6. Debrief and close: Invite brief reflections (e.g., one word about how you feel). Reiterate confidentiality and thank participants for their trust.

Rules

1. Confidentiality: What’s shared in the room stays in the room (unless there is a safety concern per organizational policy).
2. Voluntary participation: Passing is always allowed; people choose their depth.
3. Respectful listening: No interrupting, fixing, judging, or giving advice. Hold silence as support.
4. Time boundaries: Honor the timer. Facilitator gently signals when 30 seconds remain.
5. Emotional safety: Anyone may step out, take a breath, or request a brief pause. No recording or screenshots.
6. Cultural sensitivity: Share from the “I” perspective; avoid assumptions about others’ experiences.

Tips

• Model the depth you hope to see—neither too shallow nor uncomfortably revealing.
• Offer examples: a hidden passion, a formative experience, a value, a challenge overcome, or a current growth edge.
• Frame consent at every step; remind that passing is welcome.
• Use warm body language, soft tone, and steady pacing; protect silence.
• Watch timing; split into subgroups if total time exceeds your window.
• Close with grounding (deep breath, stretch, or gratitude) to transition back to work.

Variations

• Pairs/Triads: 3 minutes each, rotate roles (speaker, listener, observer). Keep the no-advice norm.
• Themed rounds: Values, pivotal moments, mentors, lessons from failure, or what I need from this team.
• Ladder of depth: Round 1 light; Round 2 deeper; Round 3 what support looks like.
• Fishbowl for large groups: 6–8 in the inner circle share while others observe silently; rotate.
• Written warm-up: 2 minutes private journaling before speaking; helpful for introverts.
• Virtual breakout rooms: Pre-assign facilitators/timekeepers for consistency.